Surviving Summer (E1)

Summer Holiday Log Day One, 24th July 2017
We appear to have been invaded by body snatchers. My normally polite, nice (if feisty) children have been swapped out for incessantly hungry, incessantly bored little shits who do nothing but try and punch each other and mouth off at every other human in the vicinity.
Today I was solo with all four, although the Teen Queen had made her own plans, which was both helpful and not since she's the best bet for sensible.
Attempted Moors Valley. B highly unimpressed and wanted to sit in his buggy and be pushed around like a Lord. Trying to help him on the play trail resulted in crushed arse cheeks and wood-chipped knees, not to mention the indignity of crawling round in the mud while trying to save every other kid that got too close from being pinched. Drama Diva and Little Miss Mouth amused themselves by sometimes playing together nicely and sometimes screaming at each other.
Drama Diva has suddenly decided she needs an opinion on EVERYTHING, and that her opinion is always right. I'm hoping it's almost-12-year-old hormones and nothing more sinister, but fuck me that shit is draining. AT-TI-TUDE! I threatened to leave by way of consequence at one point before realising that actually caused me way more inconvenience than her... *sigh*
Got stuck in a traffic jam on the way home. B isn't great in the car if it's not moving, so traffic jams are not fun. His coping mechanism? Drown out the not-fun-car experience by shoving his fingers down his throat and making himself throw up. Cue much frantic screaming from Little Miss Mouth as we threw various toys in his direction to distract him, all of which epically failed.
Little Miss Mouth discovered at shower time that the green body wash is not best recommended for nethers. The convo went like this...
'Mum, my vagina is cold. Feels like it's in an ice cube or something.'
*pause for reflection*
'I think it must be that minty tea tree shower gel I used. Yeah, probably that.'
Every day's a school day.
So then, a successful Monday. Everyone survived. I kept my shit together. Mostly. I even made salad for tea. #supermum
But seriously. SIX FUCKING WEEKS?! Send help. And vodka. And very possibly other mind altering substances...

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